Went to Aikido yesterday - to participate this time. Great! All of it. I prefer these techniques to those I learned in Judo a long time ago. The best is the sword-fighting-part in the end. Using Asian wooden swords to reveal where the movements come from.

Finally filled in the application form for the London Marathon with some help from one of the Aikidoka (=Japanese word, meaning person who is doing Aikido). I will send that off today. Not sure if it was a good idea. Once it is sent I don´t have a choice but to train. Nevertheless I hope to be accepted.

Afterwards I went home, took a quick shower and went to the Black Horse to watch Geneviève work there for the first time. I stayed until it was closed and everybody was thrown out - then waited until they had done the cleaning up. All the staff seem to be nice people. Hope she gets the job! It really is a very good pub.

I found out that nobody cares at all whether or not I attend lectures, so I decided to miss one (in November) - and book my flight to Germany - to go to this festival (click me) Gosh - this will be so so so so so great! I have been looking forward to that since I bought the ticket a year ago. So now finally knowing that I will be there was just - more than I find words for. Sadly though I won´t be able to take my sword. It might not be a problem to get it there in the first place if I put it in my suitcase, hoping that nobody will take it. But due to new safety regulations I might not get access to some parts of the festival if I am carrying my sword. So I will just leave it here (it is in Kent at the moment anyway).

I singned up for the Film Society and the Creative Writing Society. Will go to a meeting of the Skydiving Society next week, but that costs a lot, so I don´t think I will be able to afford that, at least not this year. Though it is cheaper than doing it by myself if I join the club. My parents were going to get me a parachute jump for my next birthday - so I might ask them to get me the first training with the society instead - then I can join them in my second year.

REST IN PEACE LITTLE MAXINE
WE WILL MISS YOU!

A better day.....

Watching football with my flatmates. Amazing how ManU managed to win - Benfica played so much better!

Bought a package of roibosh tea today as I was slowly running out of the other one :)

Found out that someone important to me got a job - which is good news and makes me happy.

Geneviève - you are so funny! Had to start laughing when I got your text message in ASDA -> leading to `someone´ looking at me and probably thinking I am crazy!

Had a great first lecture today! Forensic Science definitely was the right choice! I am so much looking forward to the first practical in Crime Scene Science and also the lessons we will have on photography - taking pictures using the best digital cameras available!

Being thankful for some little comments and emails!

In total - this was a good day!

What is the secret that makes students want to go to loud, overfull clubs with horrible music where they won´t be able to understand each other, where they won´t be able to even find a little bit of space for themselves - rather than going into a quiet little pub where they could actually have a conversation and spend an enjoyable evening together?
Is it normal that the only part of university life I like so far is the "going to lectures and learn" - part?

"Looking forward to seeing you next semester - it is always nice to work with first class chemists!"

Planning to start training for a marathon tomorrow - and see how far I get

Going to help paint the church ceiling next week - something I have never done before

Applied for a job to teach school children five hours a week - in whatever subject I would be asked to teach - and am now waiting for them to get back to me

____________________________
____________________________


Wandering around through darkness

Hours and hours long gone

Alone in the shadows and mirthless

Trying to simply feel home

Inevitable confusion and dolour

Searching for a way to be free

Live – for once without

Infinite emptiness

Feel for a second

Equally sorrowless!

I am not on the list for extra chemistry classes - so does that mean my results were good? I actually knew something?
What great news!

Had to buy loads of laboratory equipment today and can`t wait to use it all, put on the white coverall and look like a real CSI, walking around in fake crime scenes!

What did I say? I didn´t get the job! But, well, I´ll find something else.

Luckily all other problems got sorted.
Why do I always worry if there is no reason to?

Emailed Macmillan Cancer Support to ask if I can join their team to run a marathon. Didn´t get an answer yet, but why should they say no? So I suppose I will have to start my training soon.

Stayed up and watched The Ring with basically everybody who lives in the same cluster plus a few more. They were noisy, so I couldn´t have slept anyway. Now they will go downstairs where we have the pool table. I just hope they won´t wake me up when they come back to their rooms.
Generally I think they are nice people. Just as I thought when they asked me to come out with them one evening. They only ought to reconsider their attitudes concerning noise.
So good that I won´t have to get up early in the morning. Maybe I can get some sleep tonight.

Why?

Great morning at first - everything seemed to work out for once. But guess what? I shouldn´t have trusted it. Never stays. There is darkness after every ray of light. There is always a cloud to cover the sun.

Horrible night - waking up thousands of times, having weird dreams I can´t remember. Don´t think I really slept well the last few days. Maybe never, but maybe it is that normal that I don´t even realise any more.

Worries over worries over worries.

And waiting, always waiting without knowing what I am actually waiting for. Crossing out each day in the calender, glad it is over. Not so much on some days, but in general. Despite not knowing what to look forward to - on some days, in some hours. Or should I better say rarely knowing?

I hope I get that job - would be perfect. However, knowing my luck I will probably be turned down. Don´t know if it would be the right thing for me to do anyway. I might have left a good impression on her in the interview, might have had good ideas. But at the moment it feels as if I failed - once again.

Having written a silly chemistry evaluation test. Not sure what it was good for. There was nothing new in it - just the fact I hadn´t done any chemistry in three years - so not having been able to answer some of the questions. I suppose it doesn´t matter - to anyone but me!

All you can eat - for some people that really seems ALL you can eat. Good food - but I feel hungry again now.

Having bought the first christmas present for someone and being out for coffee as well as in the Gallery with a friend. At least I have friends!

Coming back in the evening and everything is a mess.
People in my house noisy - but I put on music. Loud depressing music - to help me - feel even more depressed. And angry! Great! Still noisy now, even though it is past ten pm. I suppose I will have to put up with that. Just wonder what some students think university is there for. Getting drunk and annoying others?

Why can´t I live alone?

Why do Lloyds not do standing order mandates if they are not on a monthly basis?

Why does the DVLA want a signature they don´t need?

Having some roibosh tea - now I am just depressed.
Kept my promise!

And am nearly falling asleep.

Rain......

morbid dripping and the noise
the fan creates
that makes up for a window
a drop, then a second one
cold
desolate
streaming

obscurity
nothing but the ever identical
noise the rain evokes
falling on the fire escape
of metal
rusty

the moon
somewhere behind the clouds
too far away to be true
too far away to make the blackness
appear even darker

shiver

and the rain
vividly plashing
yes
nice weather for ducks!

And a test I found - I like filling in all sorts of forms...... (I know: I am crazy!)

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results Gregariousness |||||| 14% Sociability |||||||||||| 34% Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Poise ||||||||| 26% Leadership |||||||||||| 38% Provocativeness ||||||||| 30% Self-Disclosure |||||||||||| 38% Talkativeness |||||| 14% Group Attachment |||||| 18% Extroversion ||||||||| 29% Understanding ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Warmth ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Morality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Pleasantness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Empathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Cooperation |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Tenderness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Nurturance ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||||||| 72% Conscientiousness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Efficiency ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Purposefulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Organization |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Rationality ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Planning |||||||||||||||||| 58% Orderliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 69% Stability ||||||||||||||| 46% Happiness ||||||||| 30% Calmness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Moderation ||||||||||||||| 42% Toughness ||||||||||||||| 50% Impulse Control ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Imperturbability ||||||||| 30% Cool-headedness ||||||||||||||| 50% Tranquility ||||||||| 26% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 44% Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Ingenuity ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Reflection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Competence ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Quickness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Introspection ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Creativity ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Depth |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	14%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	34%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	54%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	26%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	38%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	30%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	38%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	14%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	18%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	70%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	70%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	74%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	62%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	82%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	90%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	66%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	66%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	70%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	78%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	66%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	78%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	66%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	82%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	58%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	66%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	74%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	58%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	46%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	30%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	58%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	42%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	50%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	66%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	30%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	50%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	26%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	74%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	66%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	90%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	70%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	78%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	70%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	70%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	78%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	78%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Getting started......

Her long hair as a cloud was streaming
about her arms uplifted gleaming,
as slow above the trees the moon
in glory of the plenilune
arose, and on the open glade
is light serene and clear was laid.
Then suddenly her feet were stilled,
and through the woven wood there thrilled,
half wordless, half in elven-tongue,
her voice upraised in blissful song
that once of nightingales she learned
and in her living joy had turned
to heart-enthralling loveliness,
unmarred, immortal, sorrowless.

Ir Ithil ammen Eruchín
menel-vîr síla díriel
si loth a galadh lasto dîn!
A Hîr Annûn gilthoniel,
le linnon im Tinuviel!

by J.R.R. Tolkien